Stretching languidly, you wake deliciously well rested. As you look around, you are confused to find that you are actually rested high upon the crenelations of a massive cathedral. The skyline is strangely familiar, and despite the strong winds and danger of falling you find yourself unafraid. You bask in the silvery moonlight and lose yourself completely to the cool air of the night and the sounds of the heavens.
Soft sibilant whispers echo through the dark foyer. A single beam of silver moonlight bathes you in a pale, yet warm luminescence. Taking a step into the darkness, an icy chill overcomes your senses and you withdraw back into the light of the moon. Your skin quickly warms to the moonlight, but the cold has seeped deep into your bones and you continue to shiver uncontrollably. As you struggle to heat your insides by sheer force of will, an uneasy silence replaces the sibilant whispers from the darkness. Moments later, you begin to feel a deep rumbling from below the blackened earth on which you stand. Without warning, an unseen force slams you into the trembling ground. Numbed by the deathly cold, the sound of your bones being crushed makes you wince in pain. You gag and sputter as dark, sickening fumes rise out of the ground. As you succumb to the poison, the last thing you see is your body vanishing in the sparkling moonlight.
Possibly one of the most stressful days of my life are coming to pass. Amidst all the turmoil, fear and anxiety I finally find out what is truly important to myself.
Friends. Those people who stand by you when everyone else leaves you behind. The people who will walk with you through the lonesome road of life. The people who will scold you when no one else will so that you can become a better person than you already are.
Family. Those people who will always wait with arms open for you. The people who will accept you for who you are, even more than your friends. The people who will never abandon you.
God. The First Cause and the source of all things. He who calls me by name and leads me from the shadows into the light. The Provider of Rest, The Salvation of my soul. My strength, my shield.
Heart. The pulse that signals life. The force which drives me on through the hardest times. The reason I laugh, the reason I cry.
We live in everlasting uncertainty. We answer tests, solve Math questions, eat meals, make friends, show love and compassion, yet at the end of the day nothing is certain but the knowledge that death will come one day. So while we do not know when that day is, let us celebrate life, let us live to the fullest. Leave no song unsung, no book unread, no food untasted. Let us touch the untouchable and gather all that we can of that transcendence which is in everything but belongs to nothing.
Shed no tear for me when you see my body lifeless. Instead, smile and be glad. Know that you have touched a life and have seen a transient glimmer of the world's perfection.
Hidden behind an ancient glacier in the north-eastern mountain ranges is the land of perpetual snow. Massive mammoths, carnivorous cats and other wildlife share this land with a small Taurian Settlement and an Igasho Tribe. Great mystery and an exciting adventure await those who would venture into the valley of Snow.
Landscape
A snow-covered meadow greets travelers who come down from the ancient glacier. Rolling hills are scattered along stretches of flatlands with little flowers growing stronger closer deeper within the valley. Little snowshoe hares dash around the area and sabre-toothed cats hunt quietly for their prey. Although beautiful, the openness of the meadow leaves you with a sense of uneasiness as the sabre-toothed cats tend to jump upon unsuspecting travelers. If you wish to take your children playing in the snow, you would best proceed to the mammoth feeding grounds, found towards the north-western portion of the valley.
The mammoth feeding grounds are extremely serene, possibly due to the presence of the massive yet gentle beasts. There is a small, intricately designed cavern here with a ritual bowl at its center. While the purpose is unknown, there are rumors from the Igasho that there is a Great Spirit which dwells in the valley and that the time has come for it to be summoned again.
To the south of the feeding grounds is a frozen river which has thawed along certain areas. Volcanic activity below the surface melts the ice and allows sulfuric fumes to assail the surface. The activity is not sufficient to cause any changes to the terrain and there are no tremors which warn of an imminent eruption and so swimming in the river is still safe.
A very small Taurian encampment is found close to the feeding grounds. It is extremely cramped and is much smaller than the Taurian encampment in Verasavir Valley, possibly due to its temporary nature. The leader, Lauk, claims that they were sent by Rynak to find ingredients for a cure to a disease they contracted in Verasavir Valley and will pay handsomely for any assistance he receives.
Hidden deep in the mountains is the intricate maze known as the Igasho Caves. The chilly wind from the valley outside is able to make its way in and serves as natural preservatives to the fresh produce found in baskets and clay pots along the caverns. Richly colored paintings on the walls depicting ancient battle scenes with Tae’dae and Furrikin alongside the Igasho suggest that this colony was established prior to the Taint Wars. There is a convincingly detailed illustration of a massive cat-like spirit rising above a ritual bowl similar to that found down in the mammoth feeding grounds to showcase the vibrant history and culture of this particular tribe of Igasho known as the Hhuhur.
Flora
The land is not particularly fertile, possibly somewhat toxic, due to the unseen volcanic activity which release large amounts of sulfur into the water and soil. Further away from the river, there is also little flora to be noted other than the juniper berry and the slorel plant.
The slorel plant is found close towards the summits of the mountains. Short, with thorns, and colored in various shades of purple, it is rumored to have medicinal properties and is prized by the taurians below.
Fauna
Wooly Mamoths are found in the feeding grounds in groups. These huge beasts are mostly peaceful, although they are able to trumpet out a deafening roar and crush limbs in self-defense. They are led by a markedly older mammoth which is considerably stronger despite its old age. Lauk, the Taurian Chieftain, desires its heart to cure the children of the Taurian encampment of some disease.
With the perfect camouflage of snow-white fur, this predator is an extremely formidable hunter. The sabre-toothed cats spare no thought to whomever crosses their way and immediately go about trying to put one down once caught in their line of sight. While they themselves are not too difficult to put down, the amount of bleeding due to their claws make them considerably harder when they move in groups. Lauk, the Taurian Chieftain will pay handsomely for the corpses of the Igasho’s sacred cats.
Snowshoe hares are cute and cuddly little creatures, though they are often tense due to the fact that they stay in the same region as their predators, the sabre-toothed cats and snow eagles. An Igasho in the cavern will pay for these little critters.
Cloud-like in appearance, the massive Snow Eagles are strong enough to lift sabre-toothed cats off the ground. Although a greater predator than the cats below, these eagles are known to spend most of their time aloft in the skies and do not attack on sight.
It's strange how three days of silence can purge your world of desires...
The morning rays of the sun fall silently onto the stone flooring of the cathedral through the dull stained glass windows. It is spring, yet not a single sound of spring makes its way into the hollow halls. Dust collected over the years grey out the pews and a large pedestal at the front of the cathedral. The sight draws tears from your eyes and fills your heart with a sense of emptiness.
It's strange how the essential becomes inessential once surrendered...
Shattering the sacred silence of the cathedral, the massive bell in the tower rings with a deep but rich note. As the bell continues to ring, the settled dust begins to rise into the air in an erratic dance which clouds your vision. After twelve pulses, the bell comes to an abrupt stop and you feel the violent duststorm settle. Looking around through the dusty mist, the drab and grey furnishings have disappeared. In their place are beautifully adorned ebony pews and richly coloured stained glass. In the place of the dust-covered pedestal, is a beautiful altar, its golden lining and elaborate designs shimmer through the mist. The sad emptiness in your heart disappears, and all that remains is a sense of awe and holiness.
It's strange how despite these moments, we choose to return to the dark...
Sitting in the front row and basking in the serenity of the whole cathedral, you take time to meditate and rest your tired soul. The meditation is broken short, however, when the air suddenly becomes very heavy. A deep, foreboding note rises from the ground and you find it difficult to move your body. The dust begins to swirl around in an erratic dance again, and it becomes harder and harder to breathe. Terrified, you struggle towards the massive gateway of the cathedral. Just before you make it through, your consciousness is torn from your body and you fall to the ground, in a crumpled heap.
The gentle wind caresses your skin, and you are startled into wakefulness as the memory of the past events return to the forefront of your mind. Instead of the terrifying chaos, all there is, is silence. Looking back, all that remains of the splendour of the Silent Cathedral is the drab grey furnishings from when you first looked into the great halls. Not knowing why, you bow once before walking back onto the path towards the chaos of the world.
I suppose it is because I am very bored right now... or the fact that I've been doing many things I would rather not be doing... or the fact that I've been doing things I want to do but know that there are things that I ought to be doing instead... but it all boils down to the fact that I'm tired and my mind is trying to escape the vicious cycle it has entered.
It really isn't fun, though some of you might think it is. I'm seeing Chemical Formulae float around, reaction equations appearing, energy profile diagrams and Born-Haber cycles at every corner... Every step I take is like entering into some inescapable dungeon of chemistry... but I love chemistry, that I do. I don't mind seeing all these, but the fact that the real world is still there annoys me... yet if it were to completely disappear what then would I do?
I've really confused myself this time. While I'm trying madly to remember and hardwire as much as I can, I don't want to lose the last few strands of reality left in my mind's eye. For what value is being able to see what chemicals can be used to create a beauty cream to cleanse the skin if I cannot see the resulting beauty? Or what value is there if I know that a sculpture of great worth was made of bronze, an alloy of copper and zinc, but cannot see the sculpture itself?
I'm lost in my own world now, and that world is like the cracked earth, weathered away by wind and water, great trials of this short life on the planet.
"Love is like a mirror that reflects your bad side. Especially when it's unrequited, you get envious, jealous, prejudiced, and resentful. You have to face all sorts of emotions. But there's no reason to find that shameful. It shows you how serious you are."
- The Chanter of Elegies / Interpreter of Condolence, Margery Daw
The emotion I am experiencing now is an extreme inconvenience, that it is. Amidst the chaos and mad rush as the 19th of November draws near, all the emotion is doing is disrupting my focus and drive. While my dear Margery might believe that this is the case, and I do agree but I also believe it reflects a very great weakness in my self. Why do I feel envy and resentment when my love, or at least my expression of it, is unrequited? I try to give but then I do not receive, which is typical since I am usually but a shadow, a passing thought, a memory that will fade. The fact is, I am very self-centered. In the first statement itself, there are three instances of "I" and "my", and in the second another three instances. After so much reflection, I find that this is my greatest weakness - that my world is centered on me.
Some people might disagree - I do help people, I am kind and look out for others. Unfortunately, that doesn't say anything about me at the end of the day. So what if I helped the whole world, alleviated the hunger crisis, stopped terrorism and war? So long as my heart is black and the world revolves around me, I'm not going to get any consolation from anyone, not even myself.
Is my situation as dire as it seems? Perhaps it is, seeing as how my world is slowly shattering into a million pieces stained with my blood and tears. I am no longer able to fulfill my commitments to the fullest as my heart leaks blackened blood and my consciousness fades into oblivion. Perhaps it isn't, as there is still warmth in my hand, a tear in my eye, and some will in my soul. Whatever the case, I cannot allow the corrosiveness of the trials before me take me away otherwise all those who depend on me will see their expectations crumble and who, then, will remember me? And we all know that to be forgotten is my greatest fear.
The hurt which comes from the feeling of betrayal in relationships is by far one of the more painful, and I dare say possibly the most painful, experiences one can come across while living. Often, we direct the blame at the opposite party, saying that it was they who betrayed your trust and they who did not uphold their part but rarely do we say it is our fault that we feel the hurt so intensely. I'm not saying that we choose to be hurt, because we don't but we are responsible for putting ourselves into that position wherein we actually get hurt, though we don't really realize it.
We put ourselves into that perilous position by expecting something of someone, and not just having an expectation but having an expectation centered around control. This is to say we expect someone to do something or act in a certain way because we deem it to be right or because that the person owes it to us. In other words, making ourselves to be bigger and better than we are or making others to be smaller and more inferior than they are. This way of viewing things limits the freedom our 'target' experiences, and when he or she exercises his or her freedom (which generally constitutes doing whatever he or she believes to be the best course of action) if it does not tally with our expectations, we immediately brand that person a traitor, a hypocrite, a dishonor. As a result, the relationship crumbles, as we no longer trust that person, even though there was no trust violated.
So from this day forward, I will not expect anything of anyone. I will accept them for who they are, and what they do, irregardless of whether their actions clash with my own moral values or not for to put myself into such heart-rending situations is not my interest. Of course, that does not mean that I will just leave them alone - I'll tell them what I strongly believe in, but I won't stay angry, nor disappointed at all. How we take each step to get to the end of the road is, after all, an individual decision. I can only point the way most convenient or best for travelling and to be angry at stubborn people is none of my business. If they ask for help, though, then that's a different story.
Einstein postulated that because you could never reach the speed of light, you would gain mass if you were to approach that speed - from what feeble understanding I have anyway. It seems that I have found evidence of it in my own life and my own experiences.
The A-Level Syllabus for Organic Chemistry is usually not taught in four hours. It takes much longer, but because of necessity we attempted to learn sufficient Organic Chemistry to attempt the old S-Paper Elucidation questions. I was at first thrilled and energetic as we were accelerated, so to speak, to a ridiculously fast pace of learning.
After the second day, however, I feel horribly heavy and tired both in mind and body. Whilst I suspect the crash course is not the sole source, I suspect it was a main source and the only other possible source would be the Open House performance which wasn't really stressful in comparison. I can barely think and my hunger has become somewhat insatiable.
"Twelve more hours..." the automated countdown timer in my head tells me as I continue to wallow in my bed. Neurons fire, rebuilding and reinforcing whatever they can of H2 Mathematics while the rest of the brain goes into remission after the traumatic event of Physics in the morning.
The cool wind is here again, and once again she tries to bring me to the Sandman earlier than scheduled. I sigh heavily as I stay up and plow through the work that I have. Really, why do I do all this? My civics tutor tells me that I've just got to keep going, my friends tell me the same, but where am I going? Intrinsic reward, light at the end of the tunnel, so many allusions to something great after all this hardship. Promotional Exams were heralded with the same promises yet they yielded nothing. So what is there to look forward to after all this?
A holiday back home, peaceful and quiet. No academics would touch me there save my beloved Chemistry. Oh, what joy it would be to spend each waking day only to deal with her, yet Physics and Math would rear their ugly heads like mistresses demanding all sorts of nonsense from me. What misery it is right now to have lost my passion for Physics and Math. If only I could hear that crystal clarion sound again from which my love of Physics springs, then maybe it wouldn't be so painful. And Maths, oh if only she would be predictable then I wouldn't have so much resentment for her.
"Study lah!" my senior yells at me, as if just to sound off before he continues on with his celebratory ritual. Yes, perhaps I should spend more time to reacquaint myself with her highness Mathematics so that she might grant me clarity tomorrow. After which I can forget about her and play with my Chemical Romance.
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